Let it go

This one is about this random fatta I had come up with sometime back, which I will unleash right here, right now. I have a feeling I am going to read this after some time and laugh at myself.

Diversion: Two Things
But before that, two things. First I think the content organisation on my posts is terrible. No titles or images to break the flow and make it more readable. All my posts look like a keede-makode-crawling all over. Am writing this, just to remind me of the same. I will try a few things with every post. This one for example has titles.

Second thing – a technology question. Can one blog through SMS? I was driving to Delhi, stuck in a traffic jam averaging speeds of 4kmph (as is rule these days), my mind wandering all over the place, when I decided that the fatta, which I am going to reveal shortly, is worth blogging about. But I didn’t want to wait till I got back home (yes, Blogging is that addictive). How cool would it be if I could blog right there in the middle of the traffic through my phone?

There are tools which exist which let you blog if you have GPRS enabled on your phone (Cool Bhartiya start-up called Link’n’Surf, which, by the way, lets you do a lot more than just post to blogs), and my techie-Bhaai (tB) pointed out another tool to me which he used on his (ahem ahem) O2 XDA (Obviously, I am looking for a lesser-mortal enabler tool). tB tells me it’s possible, so I will just wait for someone to make it.

The Fatta
Now the Fatta. Turn away.

No? Well okay here goes.

Whenever I am feeling sad, depressed or just plain irritated – it often seems like there are tens of reasons which are contributing to that state of mind, and I can never quite get around it sometimes. I have realised over time that, in truth every time, there is just one overriding reason. Always one. All other reasons are extraneous and have been dug up around that one reason. The first issue is often that I fail to acknowledge or accept it. It seems so trivial and inane (say a stranger making a stray comment, which really hit me at the time), or something so uncharacteristic of myself (the character which I have in my head), I keep pushing it down and try to deal with the more actionable extraneous reasons to solve the problem. The other issue is that even if I know what the reason is, it is impossible to resolve, contributing further to my chagrin.

What do I do? I let go. It doesnt work all the time, but I have been trying. Sometimes it is a lot more difficult to be honest to myself. Sometimes it just works if you make fun yourself out loud. But I have to give it a shot. Then there are the ones I can’t deal with – the real annoying ones which leave me with regret and nothing more. I file them away to worry about later – most fade away, others just become easier to deal with. Filing away sounds pretty difficult yeah? I thought so too. A long time back I had read Gone with the Wind, and Scarlett O’ Hara kept using this phrase “I shan’t think about that today, I’ll think about that tomorrow”. I always thought that it really was just a meaningless statement – after all, how can you think about thoughts another day – they will come to you as and when they want. But it’s true – you really just have to try. I Googled to get the exact phrase, and somewhere someone had used the ‘Scarlett O’ Hara syndrome’ to refer to procastination. Recognise that this is the exact opposite of that. You file away hindering thoughts for later, so that you can deal with the important task at hand now.

Aside 1
I had written the above Fatta entirely in Second Person first. I decided to rewrite some of it in First Person. Took a lot more effort. Looking within is more difficult than looking without.

Aside 2
Guess this post would have been a *bit* long for blogging over SMS.

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